Jewish Funerals

Alright, well I was just reading up on endocannibalism, in the spirit of our upcoming group assignments when I figured I'd take a look at a few blogs to get my writing juices going. The first one I came across, Peter Raskovsky's blog, sent me in an entire different direction than I intended to go in this week. But, there is always time for endocannibalism to follow, yes?

So, Peter's blog post described his experience at a Jewish Funeral, his impressions and his feelings after attending his wife's relatives traditional service, of course in much more detail and passion than I am relaying here. His heartfelt entry got me thinking..

I'm Jewish. I've been to a lot of funerals in my day (shocking as I am only a youngin', but I suppose everyone dies at one point or another, and there are so many Bubbies and Zaydes in Calgary. Gevalt..) What his post made me realize as he made several comments between the similarities and differences between other funerals he had been to with these new (for him) Jewish customs, I stopped and realized how us Jews do do things quite differently, although I never really give that much thought..

I think in this post I'm going to lay out the basics of Jewish funerary customs. As with everything else in Jewish traditions, someones death is never an isolated event. For the week following a persons death, there is a constant array of traditions and reminders and services and processes that have to be followed according to Jewish customs and traditions. (I consulted the Jewish Federation of  North America to make sure I wasn't too rusty on my traditions!

Leading up to the burial:
Bodies are supposed to be buried hastily, as soon as possible within the first seven days, although burials are not to be done on Shabbat (Friday at sundown until Saturday at sundown) or on Jewish holidays. Funerals are never open casket and cremations are not acceptable in Jewish traditions. It's also not kosher to be buried in a Jewish cemetery with tattoos. Of course, the Holocaust resurfaced huge taboos about both cremation and tattoos. --Although restrictions aren't so staunch anymore as there are more reform and secular congregations. Traditionally, the deceased is dressed in simple a white garb to negate the idea of "status". Between the time when a person dies and the time the person is buried, Jewish law dictates that they should not be left unattended. A person "shemira" (the guardian), either a family member, friend or community member is to be present to guard the dead and honour them until after they are left in their final resting place.

At the actual funeral it is customary for mourners to fill in the graves themselves. Starting with the family members throwing handfuls of dirt into the grave, followed by the other mourners and eventually the grave is filled in with shovels by the mourners. The Kaddish (the Jewish prayer for the dead) is the most sombre Jewish prayer. This is recited and the service concludes.

Of course, as us Jews are wont to do, all of our gatherings; happy or sad, involves food.. and lots of it. For seven nights people "sit Shiva", the traditional mourning period; usually at the bereaved family's home. In lieu of flowers, people bring food, which is both served to those who have come to pay their respects, as well as food cooked for the family members.After the seven days of mourning are over, family members may choose to visit synagogue say the Kaddish once or twice a day for up to a year when the full symbolic mourning period ends.

Around the 6 month mark, the head stone or marker is put on the grave with an 'unvailing' service at the cemetery. Once this is done, pebbles are generally place on/ left on the grave in order to pay respect to that person. Generally, a rock is added every time you visit the grave. (When I have time, I like to walk around cemeteries and look at names and dates. I like to leave stones on the old graves when it seems that no one has visited them in a while!)

I guess I never really realized until thinking about it how many rules and traditions there are in the Jewish funerary processes. Keep in mind, what I described only scratches the surface of the process that is gone through for the deceased. It's a rather complicated process for a dead person, if you ask me.. but, who am I to poo-poo tradition?!

Speaking of traditions, here is the Victoria Jewish Cemetery circa 1900, just so so pretty there!

(Fun fact, the Victoria Jewish Cemetery is the oldest cemetery still in use today in Western Canada!)

If anyone has other funerary traditions from their communities that they would like to share with me, please do!